Last night I tucked in bed a sad boy because our basketball game was quickly interrupted and we couldn't finish it. My tucking him in was also wedged in between trying to read to him a few pages and having a mama sit upstairs waiting for conversation to help brighten her night before she headed off to work.
I plopped on the couch, feeling defeated. "When does the God math work out?" I wondered to myself. I've pondered this idea many times in the course of the last year, especially.
"God math" is my term for laying down your life for what really matters. The important but seemingly non-urgent things. It means giving up self. It also means that sometimes other things get set aside. But I'm telling you, for my life, sometimes those lesser important things pile up and I can't handle the undone-ness.
So here's the thing. I prayed for this for me and my family. He's answering. It looks like this. "Greater love has no one than this, that he lay down his life for his friends." John 15:13.
It's what I will point my children to. It is holding out the word of life to those who don't know it. It's spending an afternoon visiting with a young mom who needs to be assured that she is doing this mom thing right and that chaos doesn't have to follow her. It is listening to someone talk their crazy out, because heaven knows I've done that. It's playing with a little boy who thinks the world of you instead of getting in your own game. It's inconvenient and time-consuming. It's worth it.
One of my favorite children's series is the Frances books. In Bread and Jam for Frances, she makes her lunch come out even in the end. Bites of this and bites of that, until it is all evenly gone.
Even though I so desperately want it to work out now it will always feel undone until heaven. There it will all make sense. The parts I don't get now will fit together in His plan. It will give Him glory.
This isn't what I thought I would post about today. It probably doesn't make any sense but thanks for reading as I typed my crazy out.
I decided I'd share just a little bit more. She could use some prayer. Our relationship hit a rocky spot at the end of May. I took a break. I saw how God did use me in several ways in her life. I learned a lot. By His goodness we have spent a bit of time together recently. I would love to share some pictures of her and her baby as watching them is powerful but I can't. She is worth more than an ego boost in doing good and is not a sideshow attraction.
Another mom can also use your prayers. When the land of milk and honey, of opportunity, has been opened to you, is it just to fill your pockets and line your bellies or is there more? What she was unable to do and to provide for her young children, she can now but she needs to know it's not because of location, it's because of Him.
This is where my heart is at. This isn't always where my body is at. I'm tired and the mostly non-important piles are accumulating and the most important things (people) are just wanting some Mom time and I need strength for both. It will all come out even in the end.
Tell me, where you are undone and uneven and how I can pray and encourage you?