I'm a Little Jealous

Though we had a good time with family over Thanksgiving it did not end how we expected it to. Just as we were entering the Missouri state capitol, Audrey received a text from a friend telling her that her dad and sister were in a tractor accident. Her sister was hurt badly and her dad was gone. I spent a couple minutes making a phone call to clarify what had happened.

The Shepley's are our good friends. Noel and Renae have been married as long as Bill and I. Noel was the same age as Bill. Our three kids line up with three of their four girls. They were constant sources of prayer and encouragement during our time with Victoria. We are friends.

The news brought us to a halt. Our hearts, heavy.

The next day at church we worked our way through Romans 5:12-21, where though sin came through one man, and all, for all time after, are affected resulting in eternal death, through one man, Jesus Christ, the life giving gift of having our death penalty paid is ours, all of us, to have if we receive Him resulting in eternal life.

Do you want to know exactly what the Gospel is? It is that! 

I listened as Pastor Jarrod said what we were thinking. It's not fair that Adam screwed up and sinned and that the rest of us have to live with his mistake. And if you think about it, is it really fair that Jesus would have to pay for that mistake for all of us? The answer to the first is no, its not fair. But the answer to the second is also no, not fair. And that is the crux- where grace intercedes. Jesus died not only because it was the only way, but also because He wanted to. He loves us that much. From the very moment God banished man from his direct presence, because sin separates us, He created a way for us to get back to him. He wants us that much!

That's love.
That's grace.
That's mercy.

I listened and thought of Noel. I stood along with my family, our hearts weighted with sorrow and thought this is what Noel is fully understanding right now. He is full and complete and not lacking anything. He is enjoying God's presence directly. Not enjoying as in "Golly, it sure is good to see you." but more along the lines of humbleness and happiness inexplicable. If Noel's life was so changed here on earth, once he understood his own depravity and God's great goodness towards him and accepted that, how much more is he made whole now? 

I know Pastor Jarrod said it's not allowed in his house to say "It's not fair" so let me say it this way. Noel, I'm a little bit jealous of you. The song says "I can only imagine" but the truth is, I can't imagine. I cannot imagine what it is like to not shed one more tear of sorrow or feel pain. I cannot imagine what is it like to be with Jesus, who wants me, is the lover of my soul and that I will want Him back and will never not want Him or push Him aside in pursuit of my own selfish desires. I cannot imagine what it feels like to be made whole. Here on earth, with his divine power we have everything we need for life and godliness, but we strain and press on. In heaven, we will be made full. It will not be for our own comfort or glory but for His, all the time. I want that. I want what you have right now, Noel. 

It was a little hard to sing the song that followed the message. Sometimes the tears choke back the voice but the heart is where the praise and worship happens.

  "Happy Day"

The greatest day in history, death is beaten
You have rescued me
Sing it out, Jesus is alive
The empty cross, the empty grave
Life eternal, You have won the day
Shout it all, Jesus is alive
He's alive

[Chorus:]
Oh happy day, happy day
You washed my sin away
Oh happy day, happy day
I'll never be the same
Forever I am changed

When I stand, in that place
Free at last, meeting face to face
I am Yours, Jesus You are mine
Endless joy and perfect peace
Earthly pain finally will cease
Celebrate Jesus is alive
He's alive

[Bridge:]
Oh what a glorious day
What a glorious way
That You have saved me
Oh what a glorious day
What a glorious name
Jesus!

This is the link that will take you to Nov 25th message at Cornerstone church http://www.cornerstonelife.com/mediaplayer?vid=708
Lyrics to "Happy Day" by Jesus Culture found here
Scriptures used from Romans, Genesis, 2 Peter, James and more

Letting Her Light Shine

Since last Sunday, Audrey has been in Rosebud, SD with over 50 other kids from youth group. Each year our kids go out to love on the little ones with a kids club and to connect with the older ones with other activities.


I haven't heard much from her other than "Hi, Mom. I'm alive." I actually didn't expect to hear from her too much, so I'm totally okay with it.


I am actually bursting at the seams wanting to know how God had shown Himself to her this week. This is a week trip that I didn't think possible with her a year ago, but she has allowed God to soften her and listened to His voice. She's working out her faith and I couldn't want more than that.


I read these verses just a few days before she left and sent them off with her, hoping they would encourage her this week.

Is not this the kind of fasting I have chosen: to loose the chains of injustice and untie the cords of the yoke, to set the oppressed free and break every yoke? Is it not to share your food with the hungry and to provide the poor wanderer with shelter- when you see the naked, to clothe him, and not to turn away from flesh and blood?

Then your light will break forth like the dawn, and your healing will quickly appear; then your righteousness will go before you, and the glory of the Lord will be your rear guard. Then you will call, and the Lord will answer; you will cry for help, and he will say: Here am I. 

Isaiah 58: 6-9

Catch the group's pics on Twitter @180RosebudTrip if you'd like.

Thanks Aunt Denise for the Twitter picture help. 

 

 

 

Break Your Heart

Tonight I share this for some friends of mine. I wrote this a year ago, scribbled into a notebook from my purse on a Sunday morning in a grocery store parking lot. A tough decision was made back then; a tough decision was made this week. Both were right; both were in love. Both bounce hollow from this world’s viewpoint. This came after hearing it’s echo.

Get your hand dirty

Are you gonna listen and then ignore

Or are you gonna fall to your knees, face to the floor

Will you walk along side, feel the hurts and the pains

Will you risk all you have or let someone else carry the stains

Do you dare to try what He asks of you

Be obedient and love

Let Him be faithful and true

Will your heart ache, will you see as He does

Enter in, get your hands dirty, break your heart 

Sharing Katie

Day 4- Book for a friend.

I gave Kisses from Katie to a friend. She was very excited to receive it.

I thought this might be a page turner and what I found was even though I was compelled to keep reading, I also slowed way down and chewed and digested the words. I started taking notes. I marveled at how many of the things she said were an echo of my own life. I’m not saying that because I live this all great Godly life and Katie and I are practically like twins! I’m saying that the things God has revealed to me as of late, the truths I have been impacted by are the same truths Katie writes about.

“For years I had fantasized about doing something incredible for God and others; what I have learned is that I can do nothing incredible, but as I follow God into impossible situations, He can work miracles in and through me.” p. 2

“The children would run to me with gifts of stones or dirt and I saw myself, filthy and broken, offering my life to the God of the universe and begging Him to make it into something beautiful. I sit here in a broken world, small and dirty at His feet, and He who sits so high chooses to commune with me, to love me anyway.” p. 7

I have felt that last quote resonate in my own life over and over, especially in the last three months as a new set of exchange kids are here. They come with broken, messed up lives and people pour out their very hearts into helping them. Some receive it slowly, some lap it up, some choose to reject it- too many weeds, thorns, or simply the hard pack soil it falls on refuses the seed. And I see families pained in a hard way- not necessarily bad. And I fall to my knees for them. God chose in the middle of one prayer to say to me for all of them “I know and I love anyway”. He said that over and over until I clung to it. Here our eyes are opened, if we let them be, and we see our own sin and wretchedness. We let God peel back another layer of scabbing and it hurts and yet He knows and He lets us feel and He heals if we trust.

“And God spoke so plainly to me. He did not apologize for my heartache; even better, he shared it. He knew.” p. 203

“He called me to this and because He gave His life for me. This means that it has been granted to me, it is my privilege, not only to believe in Him but also to suffer for Him. Phil. 1:29 That suffering is not alone, but is with Him, and oh, what a privilege it is just to be able to to be in His presence, to share that with my sweet Savior. This is what it means when I say I do it for Jesus. he loved me first: I love him back. And sometimes it hurts. But even then it is pure joy to even be considered worthy to share in His suffering. That is the promise: not that He is sorry that it hurts, but that He sees; that He knows; that He is here with us.” p. 205

And then we grasp a portion of His love and we fall and cry and thank Him and we give more of our lives in return.

Katie is 22. 22!! That’s what keeps getting me. She’s has time trialed wisdom of much older person, not of a 22 year old.

Katie, I’m sure, does not want to be idolized. She wants you to turn and give your worship to God. Maybe you don’t need her book- there are lots out there that say similar things, I’m sure. I’ve just read this one and am sharing it with you.

You can borrow my book if you send me an email or you can purchase it through 147 Million Orphans, who will give 50% of the money to Amazima Ministries.

Ordinary and Extraordinary

My friends, Jake and Janel, and the team that went them have returned from Ghana! I am so excited to hear every story that she and others will share about their time. Some very ordinary people went and saw God do some extraordinary things!!

I’m not going to link to it every day, but if you look on my sidebar, you’ll notice “My Blog List” and the Team Sullivan blog is listed. You can go right to Janel’s blog by clicking on it. However, here is today’s post just to get you hooked. You won’t regret it.

In other news, my daughter is on a bus with about 16 others and it’s headed to South Dakota and back in one day to bring 23 kids to Iowa for this year’s exchange program!!! We are not hosting any students this year, but instead are helping support host families. This is going to be a year like no other for the program. You can pray that all those exchange kids would get on the bus, for safe travels, and for the host families and others who will enter into relationship with them. Again, these are ordinary people letting God do extraordinary things in their lives!!

Read This, Watch This, Hear This, Attend This

Need help focusing your mind and preparing your heart during Lent? Are you seeing your ‘giving up’ as a burden and drudgery. Read this blog, A Glad Surrender, as you walk with Christ in the days leading up to Easter.

The Discovering David Dansville DVD is now available. We’ve watched it a couple times already and it is good and there’s this really cute orphan in it, too. You can get one by going to the Cornerstone online store and ordering them. It’s really easy. Get yours today. Also, get the Anthem albums there, too. Rock and worship like you never thought possible from a “church band.”

Wednesday, March 23 at 6:30 at Cornerstone, the current Rosebud Host Families will be sharing a snippet of their life with a Rosebud student. Yours truly is going to be there, though I hope to pass the mic to Bill and let him do the speaking. This is for the curious, this is for the not curious, this is for the not faint of heart, this is for the faint of heart. Hear from those who have been willing to “help widows, orphans, and those in distress”. Witness as they testify to how God is loosening the chains. Have your heart be broken for the lost.

Now this one is ladies only. But men (if there is any men reading this), you will want your lady to attend this. Or maybe you won’t. Because she will come home wanting to be a better woman, a Godlier woman, a Biblical Woman, and that my friend, means God will be working on you. Not married? Don’t worry- God speaks to ALL women. Not perfect? Perfect!! Neither is the speaker and the other women you will meet. But you will be encouraged and we women need that (even more than a massage and a pedicure!)It’s at Cornerstone Church, in Ames, on Saturday, April 2nd from 9-2, with lunch! Click here to register!

Sorry to be so bossy. These things are mucho important! As Christ followers, He calls us to choose the narrow path, not the wide path. The wide path may seem easier, but it leads to death. The narrow path is hard, but it leads to life. Let me say that again. The narrow path is HARD!! That’s why we need resources like these. These encourage us on our journey. They confirm that life on the narrow path means you do things the rest of the world, the wide path, doesn’t do. They set our mind on things above because we forget, in the middle of the hardness, that this path leads to life. I need reminders. Like ALL THE TIME! That’s what these things are for. Use them, please.  

 

He Leads Me

Our last few weeks with Victoria before we took her home were the most difficult weeks Bill and I have ever had. Once she left, there was no sigh of relief. There was no “Phew, glad that’s over, let’s get on with the rest of our life.” There was nothing. We were drained, empty. I was practically sick on the way home. We needed away time, down time, alone time. The Sunday after I selfishly dumped the boys on Bill and I escaped to my room.

I knew I needed to turn to the Lord. I was a wreck. I had a million voices crashing through my mind, fighting for validity, but I was through. I just simply tried to quiet my own thoughts and let Him speak to me. The hymn “He Leadeth Me” strolled through my thoughts. I could faintly hear my grandma singing it in her thin voice and it brought comfort. Here is my journal entry from that time. When you are in the depths you may not need this because you know. But when you come out of the depths you will be assailed from every direction and then you will need this.

I am lost, floundering around in sadness. Knowing that you are goodness. Knowing that you are in control. Knowing that you work all things for the good of your name. But I am sad and in turmoil. A million things swirl about, all of them good or true, but none can calm but you. This sadness pulls and tugs me down. It wants to pull me away from you. So where do I start? Should I begin by counting my blessings? Should I extol who you are? Should I list my thankfulness?

I should turn to you. I will let you lead me where I should go.

You will guide me. To quiet waters, to pastures green.

You will restore, heal my soul. My path will be righteousness. I will stay on it.

If you lead me through the valley, you are with me.

You will comfort me. You give to mind your truth. I will repel evil with what you have provided.

Every need I have is taken care of. For you lead me. Psalm 23

 

He leadeth me, O blessed thought, O words with heavenly comfort fraught

Whatever I do, Wherever I be, Still tis God’s hand that leadeth me.

Sometimes mid scenes of deepest gloom, Sometimes where Eden’s bowers bloom

By waters still, over troubled sea, Still tis His had that leadeth me.

Lord, I would clasp Thy hand in mine, Nor ever murmur no repine

Content, whatever lot I see, Since tis my God that leadeth me.

And when my task on earth is done, When by thy grace the victory’s won

Even death’s cold wave I will not flee, Since God through Jordan leadeth me.

He leadeth me, He leadeth me, By His own hand He leadeth me

His faithful follower I would be, For by His hand He leadeth me  -Joseph H. Gilmore

We Know

“Wow, and it seemed like things were kind of looking up for you guys.”

That and other similar statements have been expressed in the last couple of weeks as Bill and I share with others that Victoria is no longer living with us, but it back in South Dakota.

We know, it was surprising to us, too. This was not at all what we expected would happen this semester and especially not so soon into the semester.

We drove her back home a couple of weeks ago. I’m just telling you about it now because we are starting to get back on our feet after dealing with her so intensely. I couldn’t write about it until now because I was lost for words. I may still be.

The exchange program works two ways. One, a family is willing to provide, care for and build a relationship with a student in purpose to give hope- earthly and eternally. Two, a student comes under the agreement that they are here to be a part of a family and a part of a school.

Yes, that leaves a whole lot of room for how that will play out for each family and each student. But, very simply put, no matter the family or the student, if one party is unable or unwilling to do their part, it doesn’t work. Sheesh! Sounds so legal, so general.

What our situation came down to is that Victoria reached a point where her part wasn’t working out. Believe me, we did everything in our knowledge and power to help her want to change that. But she wouldn’t.

This is sounding so harsh, like we just kicked her out, but we didn’t. I’m just working through trying to explain to you.

I had such a hard time grasping it as we sorted and struggled through every issue with her. Bill summed it up by pointing that it came down to two factors- heart and actions. If there is heart, but bad actions, one could work with the bad actions. If there is good decisions, but no heart, one could also work with that. But when there is neither heart to work or change and there is no good actions, then there is nothing you can do.

Our time with her now is over. We don’t know what the future holds for her. We know that the Light has been brought to the eyes of her heart and she has gotten to experience being surrounded by those who live in the Light. We know that life on the Rez is very dark, but it is not too dark that the Light cannot pierce through. We know: In Him was life, and that life was the light of men. John 1:4

Today is Trusting

Today is the 1 year anniversary of this blog. I was hoping to write what I’ve learned so far about my life in blog land, but that’s not going to happen today.

Today there are other things more weighty on my heart. Today there are tears of sorrow. Today there is wrestling with what is The truth and returning to that over and over. Today there is standing firm because God said to. Today there is trusting.

I’m just going to throw out the verses that God keeps bringing to my mind, my heart to heal, to comfort, to know.

“Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways acknowledge him and he will make your paths straight.” Proverbs 3:5,6

“Yet you are enthroned as the Holy One; you are the praise of Israel. In you our fathers put their trust; they trusted and you delivered them. They cried to you and were saved; in you they trusted and were not disappointed.” Psalm 22: 4,5

“Have I not commanded you? Be strong and courageous. Do not be terrified; do not be discouraged, for the Lord your God will be with you wherever you go.” Joshua 1:9

“No discipline seems pleasant at the time, but painful. Later on, however, it produces a harvest of righteousness and peace for those who have been trained by it.” Hebrews 12:11

“For since the creation of the world God’s invisible qualities- his eternal power and divine nature- have been clearly seen, being understood from what has been made, so that men are without excuse.” Romans 1:20

“Look at the birds of the air; they do not sow or reap or store away in barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not much more valuable than they?” Matthew 6:26

“For it is we who are the circumcision, we who worship by the spirit of God, who glory in Christ Jesus, and who put no confidence in the flesh.” Philippians 3: 3

“Finally, be strong in the Lord and in his mighty power. For our struggle is not against flesh and blood, but against the powers of this dark world and against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly realms.” Ephesians 6: 10, 12

“I am with you and will watch over you wherever you go.” Genesis 28:15

 

 

What Will This Semester Hold?

So you may be wondering what has become of our student, V, who was living with us last semester. Well, she’s back with us for the rest of the school year!!

Now let’s start with some basics. Her name is Victoria. We call her Victoria but friends here call her Vicki. She’s from Rosebud, South Dakota, which is an Indian Reservation. She is here because our church is doing outreach ministry there and we said we’d take her.

Our first semester has been filled with trials on many levels as we all have learned to adapt to a stranger living with us. We have had some desperate times where we didn’t think anything would change and that it wasn’t going to work out. And we were pretty much ready to throw in the towel. We had a hard time with hope.

You’ve seen a little progression of things here, shoeboxes and Halloween. And the thing is, these things are just ordinary, every day things. But suddenly they weren’t so ordinary because to one, she had never experienced them in light of Hope. On the rez, there is no hope. There is no purpose to receiving an education because you will not go to college, you will not get a job, you will not leave the rez and escape the darkness that resides there.

But by us just saying yes, we have brought one girl out of it all and into hope.

We get many opportunities to answer who, what, why she is here. I’ve been almost tongue-tied at how to answer. Over and over I have prayed that God would help me learn how to answer succinctly. If I said she was here for education purposes, that wouldn’t be exactly right. If I said she was here to share Christ with her, that would be more correct, but a little put offish and just not encompass the whole thing. It is both and more.

She is here for HOPE!

That’s it!! That’s the answer!

Amazingly, I don’t have a great verse to go with that. But think of the word hope and what it means to you in your daily life. What hope has been given to us by Christ’s gift to us. It is this word, hope, that we hope Victoria will embrace as fully as possible this next semester.

*************************************************************************************************************************************************************************************

I took this picture of her at Christmas. She was reading this little book Bill’s parents gave her. I didn’t even plan it. How perfect is that?!

P.S. When I was pregnant with Audrey, my grandma shared with me that she always thought the name Victoria Rose was beautiful. I was like, *gag* ‘That’s nice, Grandma.’ Heh!- only God knows what He’s doing. (her two children’s names are Linda and Robert- go figure)

Favorite Cut Out Cookies

The real name of these cookies are Sour Cream Cookies. However, that tends to turn people sour towards them (ha ha) before they even try them! You mustn't be put off though, they are really good. In fact, my non-sweet eating husband loves them. I've made 4 batches this season and let's just say the cookie jar isn't overflowing!


Sour Cream (or Favorite) Cookies
1 1/2 c. sugar
1 c. shortening
3 eggs
1 tsp. vanilla
1 c. (8 oz.) sour cream
4 c. flour
2 tsp. baking powder
1 tsp. baking soda
1 tsp. salt


Cream together sugar and shortening then eggs. Add vanilla and sour cream and mix. Add altogether the rest if the ingredients; mix until combined. Cover and refrigerate until chilled- a few hours up to a couple days.
On a well-floured surface, scoop out about a fourth of the dough, sprinkle with more flour and roll out to medium thickness. These are thick cookies, so no thinner than 1/8. Bake at 350 degrees for 10 minutes until ever so slightly browned.


Notes on cookies: These are very sticky and though you need lots of flour to keep them from sticking everywhere, you don't want too much or they'll get too hard. Also, after mixing the dough, I usually grab by rubber spatula and finish mixing by hand to combine the wet ingredients still in the bottom of the mixer with the rest. Finally, these puff when baking, so intricate details don't show well.


Easy Frosting
1 lb. powdered sugar
1/3 c. shortening
1 tsp. vanilla
1/4 c. milk


Whip together powdered sugar, shortening and vanilla. Add milk as needed to desired consistency.


Notes on frosting: You might as well just double the batch because 1. powdered sugar comes in 2# packages these days and measuring out 1# is a pain 2. you'll end up making a double batch of sour cream cookies and will need it anyway.

The Start of Christmas

Now that the production is done, we've finally started to move on to prepping for Christmas around here. Bill finally pulled down the Christmas tubs and other miscellaneous stuff and tonight the kids put together their tree.

Brace yourselves, folks. This tree is like none other. In fact, if you ever had this tree you've gotten rid of it long ago. Hey, it's all us newlyweds could afford! We've kept it around all these years and it's filled it purpose here and there. Now, it's the kids' tree.

It always begins with unpacking the box and finding the top. (Why, yes, Bill is standing on the craft table. He's changing a lightbulb.) 

Putting this thing together takes some thinking. Like those mind-bender, unsolvable knot games. 

Once it's together you string the lights on. We have about 4 miles of lights for this little tree. Again, same set from Bill and my first Christmas (sigh).

Meanwhile, someone must step in and "fluff" the branches in order to fill it out. (Sheesh, people! Do you want this to look authentic or what?!)

I pack all the kid ornaments in the same box as the tree and let them at it. 

This Nutcracker Advent calendar was confiscated after a wild round of White Elephant gift exchanging one year. The kids love it. It's little books with the story written in it.

It's all done. I should have taken a picture with the kids in front of it but we had other things to do.

Like flip over 16 days on our other Advent calendar. This one was made by my grandma for me and my sister and brother when we were growing up. Obviously, I have it now. I think it was made from a kit. 16 days, 4 kids = 4 days of flipping over. Every time Luke flipped an animal over he made its sound. (When it wasn't his turn he was running around the table.)

And when that was over, we began "The Worst  Best Christmas Pageant Ever" by Barbara Robinson! LOVE that book!!! (V didn't join us for that part. We can't seem to get her to sit and read with us yet. Maybe that will change after she receives some of her Christmas gifts from us. :) )

Wednesday night we watched "Elf". Fuuuuunny movie! The kids also helped me color in some stamped snowmen for some gift bags I was going to make. 

This is one of my favorite gifts to make for teachers. So, if you're a teacher to one of my kids: Spoiler Alert. I take a coffee bag that I've been saving since my last trip for coffee beans from my favorite coffee shop in the whole wide world (Burgie's and I've been a lot) and cover it with some scrapbook paper and layer on the snowman, etc. Inside are some homemade biscotti and to go with that is a Starbucks Frappuccino decorated with some paper. Doesn't it look so cute?  

So, that's it for now. We're getting Christmas started here. 

How Did We Get Here

Up until recently, I haven't really felt led to write about how we got to where we are by having V live with us. For me, apparently, things take time to work themselves out fully. If I were to have written about our decision earlier on, it might not have taken on the depth that I have now. I may have been too caught up to see it all. I don't know. But I do know that now I feel like it is time to work on getting our story out there. Here's the beginning of how we got to where we are now.


One of our elders in our church, Rog, had sent an email out to many families expressing the need for host families for kids from Rosebud. I received the email, thought it was interesting but prayed and decided that if Bill didn't bring it up we shouldn't pursue it. I knew that if Bill wasn't on board, forget it. I forwarded it to him and waited. Well, he brought it up. (This is big because I have a lot of "ideas" and though he doesn't think most of them are bad, most of them just don't fit in the bigger picture.) So we started talking. And we started praying.
Aunt Denise was living with us at the time and she piped in her two cents, which was, she thought it would be neat and fun. So like her. Typical missionary. "Oh, let's just invite a complete stranger to come live with us. And we can learn all about her culture and share Jesus with her. It will be fun!" 
Our friend, Angie, came over to stamp later that week and she told me not good things about Rosebud. And a bit about what Rog and Lisa have already gone through with their two students. We didn't get any stamping done that night, but we learned more and I was torn. It was going to be hard.
Then we went to Rog's informational meeting with the two other families who had expressed interest. And I was sad. Sad that there is a nation within our own nation completely lost. Stumbling in the dark. And I was scared. This was going to be hard, I didn't think I could do it. But God quickly reminded me that I couldn't, but He could. We went home and prayed. We knew our families would support us. And that is one of the super great things about our families, because it has already happened. We have opened up our arms and hearts and taken in three kids already who weren't born into our family. We adapt so well. 
As the weeks wore on, we were getting closer and closer to a decision. I was always amazed that it wasn't just me bringing it up. Bill was thinking and talking too. Then we went on a long run and talked more. At the near end he said, "Something isn't right and maybe this is just what our family needs to get out of where we are." Wow! Those were words I was praying that he would say someday. I nearly started crying. And that kind of sealed the deal in the sense that we were going to do this.
So we set out to talk to Audrey, a very crucial person in making this work. We planned a great night out with dinner and a movie and that's when we discovered the pests. No kidding! It was just like Satan was out to thwart us from the start. And I spent the worst summer of my life fighting head lice. Audrey wasn't too sure. But her heart was still open and she was willing to follow our lead.
So we said yes, we would host a Rosebud student.
And that's how were got here. 


I write about me waiting for Bill because it is super important. In fact, since Bill is the head of the house, for me to have gone on without him or push him to make the decision, would have been sinful and disastrous.
I write about Aunt Denise in a kidding way, though she did say those things. But she is a missionary and her heart goes there and says those kinds of things more readily than mine does. Perhaps she was a bigger cheerleader for us to do what we could do more than anything else.
I write about Angie because what she said about Rosebud was true and her words were timely. Her children and husband have been there. Up until August we had never been there. We had no idea.
I write about Rog and Lisa because their hearts are already sucked up into what God, only God, can do in Rosebud. 
I write about Audrey because of how she fits into our family. For us to have not brought her along would have been very difficult for her. 


It almost seems too short of a story to make any impact at all. And it is the very short version, I guess. And the very shortest answer is God. Jesus. We felt lead to be obedient in this way. 

This is how we know what love is: Jesus Christ laid down his life for us. And we ought to lay down our lives for our brothers. If anyone has material possessions and sees his brother in need but has not pity on him, how can the love of God be in him? Dear children, let us not love with words or tongue but with actions and in truth. 1 John3:16-18

As we studied this passage in church, I felt called to write about it and write out our story for you.

Dear friends, if your hearts do not condemn us, we have confidence before God and receive from him anything we ask, because we obey his commands and do what pleases him. 3:21-22

Look at that backwards: if you will- do what pleases him and obey his commands (see the rest of your Bible!), you will not be condemned. Then you will have full confidence before God and receive from him ANYTHING you ask. (but I am not talking a prosperity or name and claim gospel here- it is heart matters)


We felt called to obey him in this way by taking in a Rosebud student. Some will be called to obey His commands a different way. But, as believers, we are all called to obey. Are you obeying God? If so, go before him with full confidence, ask him, receive it. That makes me excited!! We're living it! We're seeing it happen! In fact, I'm not asking enough because in all the little things he has answered. 
Yes, the obeying his commands and actions are hard. Really hard. Not gonna lie to you there. (see all my other posts)
But the asking and receiving. That is beyond words. That is hands lifted, full out worship, uttered as only the Holy Spirit can intercede before the throne. My literal body cannot contain nor express such worship. 
It is not for our name or our glory that we are doing this thing. It is for God's glory, for His namesake! That is how we got here.

Oh, You Do That?

That was the question asked to Ben and me by our Rosebud girl, V. I was handing Ben some food to take to school for the food drive and V noticed what we were doing. 
"Oh, you do that?" 
"Well we do what we can." Often I'm not prepared, as in I didn't got shopping extra for things, so I'm just pulling from our pantry. 
Then Ben said something along the lines of it's good to give because it helps you remember that you do have things even when you think you don't and that others really don't have things. 
Then a few moments later, V shared an insight into her life back home. I think she has seen both ends of the receiving but has never noticed them before. It was a short little moment and one could have easily missed it. I am SO glad I didn't.


I had decided earlier this month that our family wasn't going to participate in Operation Christmas Child through our church. There are always so many areas where you can give and Bill and I thought that well, for one, we have already kind of been giving (as in having V living with us) and two, we'd follow up with any Christmas giving to Rosebud and just call that good. But that instance, along with what I uncovered during my time in the Word that night, revealed something different. 


2 Chronicles 31- The temple of the Lord is being restored under King Hezekiah and the people of Israel and Judah started bringing their contributions to it's rebuilding and supporting the workers of the temple and the priests. Jump to 2 Chron. 29:31... and all whose hearts were willing brought... ALL WHOSE HEARTS WERE WILLING! These people who were under seige for three years, many had been already lead into captivity, all under oppression, had willing hearts. In fact, 31: 6,7 says "...they piled them in heaps. They began doing this in the third month and finished in the seventh month." So much it took 4 months to collect it all!


I could go on, but I'll save it for another time. Filling 4 shoe boxes wasn't exactly going to break our budget. The fact that I've been pining for a $$ camera but I can't muster enough for 4 children whose only gifts will be the ones tucked away in a plastic box didn't seem to settle well either. That's that, I decided.


I started pulling out little things that I had stashed along with the shopping I had done earlier and making a heap. (No, it didn't take 4 months or even 4 days to collect. ) As I was getting it all set up before supper, V noticed what I was doing. I told her about it a little and she immediately asked if she could do it too. I had totally planned for her to give one so it just made my heart so full to hear her eagerness. We watched the video from the Samaritan's Purse site (above link) during supper and then afterwards, the kids got to pack their shoe boxes. So easy, so fun. Crayons, notepads, little cars, hairbands, lip gloss, fun socks, toothbrush, toothpaste, stickers, whoopee cushions, pens that say Ward's Woodworking (from Bill's dad :)), balloons and candy. Lots of candy. Remember all that candy from Halloween? I told the kids if they felt like giving from their own candy stash they could. And they all did!


Here's a picture from last night. It is totally blurry because the lens was dirty (as in, I think someone may have licked it!) (and truthfully, I was thinking, "Bummer. Now we have to get a new camera!" *happy dance*) but you get the idea.

My kids sometimes get the idea that others are needy. V is having her eyes opened to things other than herself. And I hope that I never forget the question "Oh, you do that?" 
Yeah, we do that!

Never Fade

There are times here at home, especially, when I wish I could somehow capture them on film.


Times like when I played football with the boys last Sunday when the weather was absolutely too gorgeous for November. The boys were having a great time trying to catch the ball and they would slide every single time in the grass when grabbing the ball. Their smiles were big!
Times like this afternoon when the buzz in the house consisted of two boys playing together, 1 girl playing the piano and another reading on the couch. 
Times like tonight when I return home from small group to find a note that details the score of marathon of card games between the girls.
Times like when Bill comes home and the kids rush to hug him. No picture would ever do justice.
Times when the girls laugh over the same thing. I savor every moment when this happens.
Times like in the morning when boys come crawling into my lap. I'll hold them as long as I can, for soon they will be much too big for me.


These are the pictures in my mind I never want to fade.  

My High For the Day

Almost every night at supper we go around the table and share a "high" and "low" for the day. It's a chance for the kids to air some things and also helps the learn to listen to others and enter into their experiences. (I took the idea from my Bible study leader. Thanks, Carolyn!)

So here is my high that is almost every Wednesday this school year so far. A full supper table on Wednesday nights. Back when fall sports were still going on, the girls would be done with their practices around 5. In order for us to take all these kids to 180 (Wed. night church), we would need to leave no later than 5:45 to get everyone. Well, that just doesn't leave much time for getting home, cleaning up and eating. So I told the girls they all just had to come over here after practice and I would feed them supper then we'd go to church. So they do! Our table gets very full. During our meal, we go around and share highs and lows and even make the others do it. Three girls, at different times, have all said that being here was their high for the day!!! That makes my heart very full!

I snapped some pictures this week to show you. One of our usuals, Sara, wasn't there, but we had two stand-ins: Ariana and Chiara!

Here we see Kathryn (who loves broccoli usually except mine was a little too lemony for her this time but she's also learned to eat lots of different things at my house :)), Audrey (who appears to be either stabbing herself with her fork, on her way to feeding Chiara a bite of chicken, or snitching the pine nuts off of Chiara's plate), Chiara (who liked my chicken and could probably use a booster), and V (who always likes a full table).

Center is Bill (who had to drive a second vehicle because there weren't enough seats in the suburban for everyone!).

Next is Luke (who is mr. pokey puppy himself), Ariana (who's high for the day was going to play at a friend's the next day and who's low was that her sister hit her in the morning and that made her very sad :( ), and Ben (who'd rather his mom didn't take pictures of him).

Okay, there's me, too. 

In case you're wondering, supper that night was parmesan chicken strips and broccoli and bow-tie pasta salad (with pine nuts) and dessert was candy ('cause we're still trying to get rid of it all!)

Remaining

After writing Emphasis, which is very closely related to Squirming, I got some great encouragement from my friend, Janel. She dropped by a little "for me" gift, which contained a book I would never pick up on my own, Jesus Calling, by Sarah Young. I took time that weekend to spend some time in the Word, reading that day's entry, following along in my Bible study, remembering the weekend's message from church and then praying. 
This is how it all coincided for me.


Jesus means "the Lord saves" (Matt 1:21)
Emmanuel means "God with us" (Matt 1:23)


"See that what you have heard from the beginning remains in you. Remain in the Son and in the Father. The anointing you received from him remains in you. Remain in him." (from 1 John 2: 24-27)


This was my prayer. I want to share it with you because I want you to be encouraged, not by me, but by Him.

I have set the Lord always before me- I will remain

Because he is at my right hand, I will not be shaken- I will remain

Therefore my heart is glad and my tongue rejoices; my body will also rest secure- I will remain

Because you will not abandon me to the grave, nor will you let your Holy One see decay- I will remain

You have made known to me the path of life; you will fill me with joy in your presence- I will remain

With eternal pleasures at your right hand- I will remain

(Psalm 16: 8-11)

You see, though I feel alone, I am not. Though I feel like sometimes I am walking "through the valley of the shadow of death", I am not alone. "For you are with me; your rod and your staff comfort me." I am not alone. I just have to remain.

Trick or Treat

Here's our Halloween/Candy Fest weekend.

Beginning of the month(ish) I determine I will not wait until last minute to decide on costumes for the kids. Luke wants to be a dog, so that's decided. Ben doesn't care, so I search and find a lego block idea that is cheap and easy.

Middle of the month(ish) we visit Grandma and Grandpa and Grandpa wonders aloud if Ben will be a motorcyclist. Ben agrees that this is the best idea. I scrap Lego block idea (even though we had already cut out the cardboard box and found the other parts- whatever, I'm just the mom here)

Wednesday I head to Goodwill to find a pair of brown pants for Luke's doggy costume and run into my friend, Kate, who loans me the ears, tail and paws. I also search all other thrift stores  for any other costume accessories.

Thursday I dress Luke up for preschool in his doggy costume, complete with brown eyeliner drawn nose. Luke catches a glimpse of his nose in the mirror and refuses to have it on. By the end of the class picture session, it's all off: ears, paws, tail, nose.

After supper, we discuss Friday night plans. Audrey is baby-sitting. V is going to a party. Bill is at the shop. And they boys and I will head to Ames to trick-or-treat with Ariana and Chiara. We compare Halloween notes with V. We have a 2 hour time frame. Rosebud does not. The latest she's ever stayed out on Halloween was 3:30 am!!! Each party is in shock!  Also, not sharing and eating all of your candy, as much as you want is okay. The longest her candy has lasted has been two days. Again, each party is in shock. Not having any spending money leftover, but still expecting a $40 costume is normal. Only one party is in shock. :)

Friday afternoon I send Audrey and V down to the dress-up box to see what they can come up with for the party. This is what V pulled together along with a black graduation robe. It was very creative of her and she was immensely proud of it, more so than if she had an expensive costume. 

Friday night the boys and I head up to Ames. Luke is very nervous about trick-or-treating. He's never done it before. He says he doesn't know how and someone has to teach him. Ben tells him that all he needs are his feet and his mouth! We arrive at Aunt Beth's house and Luke refuses to wear the paws and let me draw a doggy nose on him. Oh well. Ariana is Tinker Bell and Chiara is a fairy. Ariana leads the procession, stopping at neighbors. Pretty soon Luke gets the idea and he's all for it!! After each house, he takes off down the sidewalk. Ariana, however, thinks he should stay with us and yells to Luke, "S-O-T-P!! Stop!!" Ben, in Ben fashion, turns to Ariana and says, "It's S-T-O-P." Meanwhile, little pink fairy, doesn't exactly have any magic in her wings to hurry her little fairy butt down the sidewalk. But she does have nice tennis shoes to make noise in as she clomps her way from house to house.

We're done finally. Pizza and playing at Aunt Beth's and then back home. Boys in bed. V comes home after party and is sad because some girls were mean to her (they were mean but she's okay). Audrey returns from sitting. Phew!

Sunday evening I plan a good meal, hoping to fill bellies before the deluge of sugar. Audrey is, um, something. Luke is the poky little puppy for certain and is the last one dressed. Bill takes Ben out for a while, then Ben heads off with a friend. Audrey and V were off like a shot once we opened the door. Luke would not wear the ears, tail or paws. He wore his brown pants and brown shirt and a North Shore ball cap. Fine. Bill takes him out to collect some candy. They are out forever. I get a text later from my friend, Angie, and she says Luke stopped by. He was currently a puppy race car and he told a joke, sang his preschool smile song and another song, then used her potty. Apparently, the reason they were out so long was because Luke was chatting it up with everyone he met! (That would be Luke, for you.) Then the stash begins pouring in, 4 kids, 4 piles of loot. 4 happy kids! 

Wow! We can not have Halloween again, at least for another year!

Here's some bests from the week.

*At a party earlier in the week, Chiara says her wings are cold. 

*Best costume: a Rubiks cube- square cardboard box with construction paper cubes

*Best joke: Why did the aliens find bones on the moon? Answer- Cow didn't make it.

*Luke's joke to Angie: Knock, Knock. Who's there? Sherwood. Sherwood who? Sherwood like it if you opened the door and gave me some candy!

Emphasis

"But he said to me, "My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness." Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses so that Christ's power may rest on me. That is why, for Christ's sake, I delight in weaknesses, in insults, in hardships, in persecutions, in difficulties. For when I am weak, then I am strong." (2 Cor. 12: 9, 10)

Do you know how many times I have heard or read that phrase in just the last 2 months? At least 5 times! And all by random circumstances. There is such a thing as double emphasis in reading the Scriptures, meaning God really wants you to get that point. So I've had it recounted to me 5 times now. What does that mean? (if you say thick headed, then no need for commenting)

I am struggling. I am wrestling with the whole idea of being weak. I don't want to be weak. That's a sign of weakness. Like I can't hack it. I just need to buck up, man up, press on. 
Paul says he will boast about it. What? That doesn't make any sense. You aren't supposed to boast, that's being prideful. 
The kicker? He says he delights in weaknesses! Whatever! I'm experiencing weaknesses right now and I am neither boasting nor am I happy about it. I feel like a failure. I feel alone. And I don't feel strong.


Now to be in context, Paul was writing about a particular thorn that he felt God has placed in his life and though he had prayed about it being removed, it was not and Paul's response is these words. Please understand Paul was no tenderfoot at trials, persecutions and difficulties. So if he is asking God to remove this particular thing, it must have been quite a thing! But Paul says, woohoo- if this means more you God, great! Bring it!


I'm a lightweight. I want an easy win, a quick fix. I'll take the trials without the try, please. I'm ready to reach the nations, just as long as it isn't too difficult. 
See, I can do all of that. 
But God is leading me down a different path. His grace fills in the gaps my weaknesses leave. His power can only be perfect when it is Him, not me. Him, not me. Paul boasts and delights because the more he is forced to recognize his short-comings (i.e. insults, persecutions, difficulties), the more the power of Christ can work. 


That power. It created a world in one breath. It multiplied bread in one touch. It healed in one word. 
I'm missing out, all because I don't want to be weak. But I NEED that power!! 


So I will wrestle with being weak. I will learn to embrace his grace that is sufficient. It fills in ALL the gaps. There are no holes left. I will learn to delight in weaknesses and when I don't, grace is there to hold me steady. I will let his power rest on me. Then I will be strong. But it will be him, not me.