Squirming

You might be wondering how it's going with our new student living with us, so I thought I'd give you an update. Well, it's going pretty good. I'd say V has adjusted to living with us and going to a new school. She's making some friends and is involved in some activities. 
For me, it's a different story. I feel a bit like a worm pinned down. And I know that imagery has a negative connotation but it is really mostly good. 
We knew bringing V here to live with us wasn't going to be easy. We had prepared Audrey especially for this by helping her develop friendships with others so they could encourage her. We knew that this was going to stretch us. We just weren't certain how. Uh, I know how now!
I had been reading several books over the course of the past year that helped me recognize where I was stuck. It started with The Shack. A book that kind of blows the doors off of your ideas about God but points to the fact that He Loves. (It is a controversial book, so I'm just sharing my thoughts on it.) Then I read A Wind in the Door by Madeline L'Engle and identified quickly with Meg. Only Meg can rescue her little brother Charles Wallace by love. ( a very good read- highly recommended for Audrey age kids!) So Love kept popping up. I had tried once before to read C.S. Lewis's The Four Loves, but since I am such a simpleton reader I couldn't get very far. I decided to try it again and started understanding some things. (It also helped that I read it in my mind with an English accent- think The Lion,Witch and the Wardrobe.) This summer I started reading When Your Teen is Struggling. No, my teen is troubled or struggling but my friend Teresa encouraged me to read it anyway. I'm so glad she did. It made me wrestle some more through the ideas of Love. And in church we were covering Isaiah- a book about rebellion, justice, repentance, forgiveness all for Love. It was like a big funnel pulling me to the heart of the matter. LOVE.


Enter V. Cue the trials. Mic the weeping, sobbing. Now let's zoom in on the bedroom scene. A woman, face down on her bedroom floor, crying, praying. Pouring her heart out to God. Telling Him that she doesn't think she can do this. He reminds her that she already knew that; only He can. She says she wants out. He says no way. He's not done with her yet. More crying. She says she doesn't know how... how to.... how to LOVE. She might not even want to. He speaks. I love you. You were lost, you were blind, you are a sinner. Yet I reached out, not because of what you have done but because I love. We love because He first loved us. It is enough. She reaches for her Bible and it opens up to Ezekiel 47- not a passage she regularly reads but she reads anyway.

The man brought me back to the entrance of the temple, and I saw water coming out from under the threshold of the temple. 

He lead me through water that was ankle-deep. He lead me through water that was knee-deep. He lead me through water that was waist-deep.

He measured off another thousand, but now it was a RIVER that I could not cross, because the water had risen and was deep enough to swim in- a river that no one could cross.

Then he led me back to the bank of the river. When it empties into the Sea, the water there becomes fresh. Swarms of living creatures will live wherever the river flows. There will be large numbers of fish, because this water flows there and makes the salt water fresh; so where the river flows everything will live.

Fruit trees of all kinds will grow on both banks for the river. Their leaves will not wither, nor will their fruit fail. Every month they will bear, because the water from the sanctuary flows to them. Their fruit will serve for food and their leaves for healing.

Then she turns to the Psalms for in the cries of David she finds more comfort.

There is a RIVER whose streams make glad the city of God, the holy place where the Most High dwells. God is within her, she will not fall; God will help her at break of day. Nations are in an uproar, kingdoms fall; he lifts his voice, the earth melts. (Psalm 46: 4-6)

End scene. 

What is with this RIVER and how does it relate to LOVE? Water always equals life. A river so deep you cannot cross? A river that gives life, that makes salt water fresh, wasting away new? Eternal water- eternal life!! That eternal life comes by living water through the love of Christ!! 

Jesus answered, ..."whoever drinks the water I give him will never thirst. Indeed, the water I give him will become in him a spring of water welling up to eternal life." (John 4:14)

Is it really forever? 

Then the angel showed me the RIVER of the WATER of LIFE, as clear as crystal, flowing from the throne of God and of the Lamb down the middle of the great street of the city. On each side of the river stood the tree of life, bearing twelve crops of fruit, yielding its fruit every month. And the leaves of the tree are for the healing of the nations. (Rev. 22:1-2)

We are dealing with a nation with one life. One girl that is lost. She doesn't know it. She doesn't see herself as a sinner. If I were to blank point that out to her, well, she probably wouldn't receive it too well. (Only a few, like me, actually like that.) How do I reach her? love. Love. LoVe. LOVE! Only the LOVE of CHRIST that must pour through me.

Remember where I, the worm, am pinned at? Love. My short-coming, my struggle, my weakness. I am squirming. I see God's hand in all this. I'm thankful. It is just this place, this time that He has been drawing me towards. But I'm still squirming. It goes something like this: "Thank you, Lord. I want out. Thank you, Lord. Let me go." Back and forth. But He's not going to let go. His love's got a hold on me. So I'll just try to stop squirming.