Tuesday, February 22, 2011

He Leads Me

Our last few weeks with Victoria before we took her home were the most difficult weeks Bill and I have ever had. Once she left, there was no sigh of relief. There was no “Phew, glad that’s over, let’s get on with the rest of our life.” There was nothing. We were drained, empty. I was practically sick on the way home. We needed away time, down time, alone time. The Sunday after I selfishly dumped the boys on Bill and I escaped to my room.

I knew I needed to turn to the Lord. I was a wreck. I had a million voices crashing through my mind, fighting for validity, but I was through. I just simply tried to quiet my own thoughts and let Him speak to me. The hymn “He Leadeth Me” strolled through my thoughts. I could faintly hear my grandma singing it in her thin voice and it brought comfort. Here is my journal entry from that time. When you are in the depths you may not need this because you know. But when you come out of the depths you will be assailed from every direction and then you will need this.

I am lost, floundering around in sadness. Knowing that you are goodness. Knowing that you are in control. Knowing that you work all things for the good of your name. But I am sad and in turmoil. A million things swirl about, all of them good or true, but none can calm but you. This sadness pulls and tugs me down. It wants to pull me away from you. So where do I start? Should I begin by counting my blessings? Should I extol who you are? Should I list my thankfulness?

I should turn to you. I will let you lead me where I should go.

You will guide me. To quiet waters, to pastures green.

You will restore, heal my soul. My path will be righteousness. I will stay on it.

If you lead me through the valley, you are with me.

You will comfort me. You give to mind your truth. I will repel evil with what you have provided.

Every need I have is taken care of. For you lead me. Psalm 23


He leadeth me, O blessed thought, O words with heavenly comfort fraught

Whatever I do, Wherever I be, Still tis God’s hand that leadeth me.

Sometimes mid scenes of deepest gloom, Sometimes where Eden’s bowers bloom

By waters still, over troubled sea, Still tis His had that leadeth me.

Lord, I would clasp Thy hand in mine, Nor ever murmur no repine

Content, whatever lot I see, Since tis my God that leadeth me.

And when my task on earth is done, When by thy grace the victory’s won

Even death’s cold wave I will not flee, Since God through Jordan leadeth me.

He leadeth me, He leadeth me, By His own hand He leadeth me

His faithful follower I would be, For by His hand He leadeth me  -Joseph H. Gilmore

1 comment:

  1. Love the honesty of journal entries...and especially looking back on them once some time has passed. Praying that God will renew your strength during this time.


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