Some Marriage Questions and Answers

In an assignment for my niece, Cora’s, AWANA’s program, she asked me to answer some questions for her. I thought I’d share it all with you

#1 How did you meet?

#1 Uncle Bill and I first met in college cleaning the seats inside Hilton Coliseum after it flooded one year. We found out we lived on the same dorm floor (co-ed) and that his roommate was one of my friends.

#2 How long did you know each other before you decided to get married?

#2 We dated 9 months before we got engaged.

#3 How long were you engaged?

#3 We were engaged 9 months before we got married.

#4 How do you keep God first in your life and marriage?

#4 We both live to love, enjoy and please God both for ourselves and together in our marriage. God is neither separate from life or marriage. You are either serving Him or you are not.

#5 What are some ways you and your spouse show that you love each other?

#5 Our words to each other are very important- I love Uncle Bill most when I lift him up with my words. We have lots of conversations. We like to spend time with each other. We work to share common interests, such as running, but also to understand each other's more separate interests, like for him, motorcycles, and for me, my crafting and music (and food and blogs and … ).

#6 What is the best part of being married?

#6 Enjoying what God has given me- a marriage. I have a friend and a lover. He knows me better than anyone else- he knows my good sides and my bad sides and we work to love and forgive and enjoy each other, the way God loves, forgives, enjoys us. The best part of being married is being married. You cannot have what the marriage relationship is like unless you are married. There are no other ways to it. Marriage is not just law-ordained, it is God-ordained.

#7 How many kids do you have?

#7 We have 3 children.

#8 What advice would you give to a new bride and groom?

#8 In no order:

• The very first marriage advice I remember receiving was to have no expectations. That means don't expect someone to call if they are 5 minutes late or expect a certain task or duty done by the other person. For example, though I would like him to, if Uncle Bill doesn’t clean up the supper when I have to leave, I had no expectation that he would. If he does, then I can be thankful and express positive words to him, rather than negative. (Only a million things might have been the reason for him not cleaning up, like a sick kid, an important phone call, more urgent/important matters.)
• Communication is absolutely essential. We cannot know God if we are not communicating with him by time in the Word and prayer. It is the same with our spouse. Communicate to understand. You’ve got to practice a lot because it isn’t always perfect. Not communicating is not communicating.
• 1 Peter 4:8 says "Above all, love each other deeply, because love covers over a multitude of sins." This doesn't mean cover them up and never pretend they happened- it means love forgives and by the power of Christ, the power that raised him from the dead, we can forgive. Marriage needs a lot of forgiveness.
• Ephesians 5 talks of wives and husbands. The role of the husband is to present his wife blameless and pure, without spot- which means he himself must be living his life in a holy and pleasing way before the Lord, including loving his wife more than himself (just as Christ did in Philippians 2). The wives are to be submissive, in love- which means not a doormat but under the husband. The husband as the leader, the wife as the help-leader, in unity. A healthy marriage is a powerful representation of Christ and the church (believers). (There is A LOT more to be said in this one bullet point, but I’m not going to go into all of it.)

And there I might stop because it's a lot.

#9 When you were a kid, did you think about whom you would marry? 

#9 I thought a lot about whom I might marry, daydreams- but they were all silly dreams and none of them included thinking about God in the middle of my dreams. I just dreamed about whoever I thought was romantic or cute or funny (not that those are bad things) but they aren't very good criteria for a marriage partner.

Have more questions? I won't mind answering them if I have time.

Love,

Aunt Mindy